I don’t really know where this week went. It’s felt a bit chaotic and relaxing all in the same. We started Whole 30, and Lort. It takes up e’ry second of my life. I’ve been insanely tired at 8:30 every night. That’s probably from prepping food and eating food, and then getting it all in nice little boxes (that are plastic, and I’m sure will kill me too) for the next day. It’s crazy to think a diet (ok, ok…”lifestyle change”) can have such an impact, but I have felt so distant from so many people, including my daughter. Because she can eat pizza, and I can’t even look her in the eye I’m so jealous of her these days.
I’ll always talk about how much I love my small house. It just works so well for us. Like everything, you have to do what works for you. At this juncture, I would say my favorite aspect is the ability to hear every move Novella makes. She is so rambunctious, yet I can decipher what she’s doing at all times. We don’t have a lot of clutter, and everything feels purposeful.
I have seriously got to do this. I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I had it kind of going for a while, but I didn’t adequately pack away seasonal clothes, and it’s a big mess. By the way, I have a closet so tiny that a 37 piece capsule would still clutter it well enough.
This is a follow-up to what I posted last week. I plan to really write out all the things that are saving my life at the moment- and while I talked about Seasonal Affective Disorder and the blatantly honest way I’m coping with that, there’s more to the story than that. I made 17 goals for 2017, and I’ve been working pretty intently on them, but a lot of them are an uphill battle. Thinking about the things that save us really keeps the things that destroy us at bay.
One of the many benefits of teaching seventh grade is that I get to kind of see myself through students. Did anyone really make it through seventh grade unscathed? Anyway, I have this student this year that is seriously my soul twin. She came into class today and told me about this song, and yep. She’s right. It’s amazing. Listen to it first for all the music, but then soak in the words.
I just haven’t been able to get this out of my head lately- like a gentle nudge or a bittersweet song. This was written by a classmate (5th grade until our sophomore year of college), Shea. She was truly an incredible person. What a light. When she passed away in August, she had no idea she was even sick anymore. Her little girl is just a few months younger than Novella. We had a lot of parallels in our stories, so we occasionally talked through messages about the pure miracle of life. She celebrated her first birthday in Heaven last week, and the simplicity, the bargaining and budgeting of her words have resonated with me this week as I’ve tried to keep all the plates spinning. I just really wish she could’ve continued to experience the same struggles in motherhood that I do, dashed heavily with joy.